The Ones We Love

After months of silence I received a message from an old friend. One of those old friends I love like family.  It was the unkindness that stung me. From across the ocean a tigress took my weaknesses and ripped me apart until I was just raw remains. She vacuum packed her vicious comments into one long painful diatribe. 

She says I’m self centred and unreliable. I don’t give her my full attention and I’m easily distracted. She says I never listen and I don’t understand how busy her life is and how much stress she is under. 

It’s true. 

I am not very good at being a friend in the traditional sense. I have Asperger’s Syndrome and the closer you get the more noticeable it becomes. She claims to have planned Christmas around me but I didn’t go because so many other people were invited. I hate big groups, social settings and fuss. I thought she knew that. I had tried to explain to her that I just wanted to go for a walk and have a cup of tea. She was too busy preparing for Christmas and needed time and space and had warned me of that a month in advance. So we didn’t meet. I’m not sorry I didn’t come for Christmas. I am not sorry that I spent the day alone. I am sad that if Christmas was really planned around me, that she didn’t think to make it something smaller and understated. 

The message was well targeted and will hurt for a long time. If we hurt the ones we love the most than our friendship will survive because I may have Aspergers but I still know love is the foundation of friendship. 

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2 thoughts on “The Ones We Love

  1. I’m afraid that there are many NTs that are quite comfortable with making shit up to suit their arguments and if a friend gets hurt some will accept that as being collateral damage. Don’t see this as a failing on your part. Friends are like clothes, even with our favourite outfits, our most comfortable suits, if they don’t fit anymore then it’s time to let them go. There are plenty of other clothes out there ☺

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