I have consistently chosen solitude in my life. I guess the Asperger Path is not like the Yellow Brick Road and I am not Dorothy. I like people but I always keep a certain wary distance. I feel so claustrophobic when I do get drawn in because those circles of friends can bind you tightly and before you know it you aren’t free until the second Saturday in June.
My diary has an echoing sparseness that is a source of joy. There is a real sense of calm and well being in knowing that I don’t have much to do and plenty of time not to do it in. People are always asking me about my plans and sometimes I feel like putting ‘I Don’t Know Yet’ on a t shirt. I’m almost never busy and so I like to decide things at the last minute. It’s not going with the flow, it is more about deciding if I want to be in the flow in the first place. I don’t like to rush and I don’t juggle my social engagements. My life is not empty, it is just very well spaced and uncluttered, and it is lived at a sedate pace.
People have asked me what travelling alone is like. For me, I wonder the opposite. How can you travel with someone? How far will you get before your paths diverge? Do you have to compromise a hundred times a day? It never occurred to me that I could share this. I was travelling alone long before I ever left. I have journeyed a mile or two with some great people who have touched my heart and soul. I will always leave people behind because my life, my amazing and wonderful life, needs wide, open emotional panoramas. Going solo is the only way for me to live because it is only when I spend time with other people that I feel lonely.